


The Ghosts Inside of You (A parody fic)

by 2o2o_Kit



Category: Ghosts (TV 2019)
Genre: Comedy, Crack, Crack Crossover, Crack Fic, Crack Relationships, Crack Treated Seriously, Crack and Angst, Cringe, Daddy Issues, Fluff and Crack, Humor, Multi, Parody, kachow, milky stuff, think 2012 fanfics, wattpad style
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:15:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28474524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2o2o_Kit/pseuds/2o2o_Kit
Summary: PARODY CRACK FIC, DON'T TAKE THIS SERIOULSYYou arrive at Button House, a place where one of your ancestors died, but after an accident you can communicate with the ghosts there
Relationships: Alison (Ghosts TV 2019) & Everyone, Alison/Mike (Ghosts TV 2019), Alison/Thomas Thorne, Everyone/Everyone, Humphrey's Head (Ghosts TV 2019)/Original Character(s), Julian Fawcett/Thomas Thorne, Kitty/Mary (Ghosts TV 2019), Lady Fanny Button/Kitty, Mike (Ghosts TV 2019)/Original Female Character(s), One Whole Humphrey & Robin (Ghosts TV 2019), Pat Butcher/Julian Fawcett, Pat Butcher/The Captain (Ghosts TV 2019), Robin (Ghosts TV 2019)/Original Character(s), The Captain (Ghosts TV 2019)/Original Character(s), The Captain/Julian Fawcett, The Captain/Lieutenant Havers (Ghosts TV 2019), Thomas Thorne/Reader
Comments: 12
Kudos: 18





	1. Welcome to Button House

**Author's Note:**

> Don't ask me why I wanted to write a Ghosts crack fic that is basically in the style of a 2012 Wattpad story but here it is enjoy all these weird adjectives, overtly tensioned moments and no plot points what so ever.

You drive your car, roof off, down a long twisted road, jamming out to BTS but quickly turn down a country road and stop at an old mansion that looks more mysterious than Hogwarts. You take your phone out and check up your camera, the wind sort of messed up the messy bun your dyed hair was tied into, but who cares, it’s a messy bun.  
The smell of history and hope and tension-filled the outskirts of the manor, you know you belong, this is home.  
You knock on the door and a striking young woman with flowing chestnut locks and wearing a cozy green tunic, the color of the pine trees you passed by opens the heavy doors.  
“May I help?” the lady asked with a surprised look on her face. Her accent was posh but welcoming, but then again all British accents are amazing.  
“Umm… yes” you stutter, thumbing on your words. “My name is [insert your name here, it’s fun] Havers. Call me by my last name Havers. My great grandfather was a Captain here in WWII and I am the descendant of him and his lover Lieutenant Havers.”  
“Oh lovely,” the woman replied, “Do Come In You are welcome to stay here as long as you like.”  
You come into the house. The house is a mix between something you see on Downton Abbey and a home improvement program. But you feel right at home.  
“My name is Alison,” The chestnut-haired woman gleamed. “My husband Mike should be around here somewhere.” All of a sudden a fit dark handsome man where a bright cap walked in. He and Alison stared into each other sparking orbs for a moment.  
“I’m Mike,” the gentleman pronounced as he reached over to shake your hand. You shake his hands. Mike’s hands are warm, smooth, and soft like a piece of silk. He must lotion a lot.  
As you walk around the mysterious manor you feel bursts of wind around you. Something. No. someone is watching you.  
“Are there ghosts here?” you ask Allison in a curious tone.  
Alison giggled and sighed, “Yes there are ghosts but they are very kind and loving. But only I can see and hear them because I had a near-death experience, you will be fine. But they can see and hear you”  
‘Ghosts, how cool,’ you think. Who needs falling in love with vampires and werewolves when you have ghosts to fall in love with!  
After spending the full day touring around the elegant ballrooms that reminded you of a Jane Austen Novel, the quaint little bedrooms that fit you’re aesthetic perfectly, and some broken parts of the house, need not mention, you decide to tour the house on your own.  
The library was alright, you want to spend hours there reading but today you are feeling spooky.  
“Alison,” you inquire, “Is there a flashlight I could use?”  
“Sure,” the women with gleaming fair skin and silky brown hair replied. “It’s just on the top rack in this closet.”  
You follow her into the closet where she reaches up to grab the flashlight. You see her stand on the tiptoes of her boots as she slowly stretched up to get the flashlight.  
Alison strokes her golden chestnut hair behind her ear as she struts out of the closet.  
The gleaming orbs of her eyes blink at you.  
“Here it is,” she whispered.  
You graciously thank her and take the flashlight. It is time to explore the basement.  
You get a chilling feeling as you open the doorknob and creep down the eerie stairs. As you turn on the flashlight, your fuzzy socks slip on the stairs. You slide down the stairs banging your head. Everything goes dark for a moment.  
You wake up, feel around, no blood, no broken bones, no bumps or bruises.  
Alison rushes down the stairs, “Havers are you okay,” She asks in a caring tone.  
“Yeah, I’m fine.” You say as you struggle to stand you she comforts you as you slowly stand up. With her arm around you, Alison walks you up the stairs.  
You look back and get a glimpse of what may be heavily bruised people. Oh No.  
Allison sets you on a couch and gets you a cool refreshing bag of ice to put on your head.  
“That was quite a drop you had,” an older woman wearing an off white colored dress and her hair in a perfectly done updo bun remarked.  
“Oh yeah, I’m surprised I didn’t get that badly hurt,” you groan trying to sit up. “I’m Havers.”  
“Oh pardon me, I’m Fanny, and you can see me.” Fanny gasped. “Good heavens, we have another Alison!”  
“Another Alison,” A distressed man cried out. Like lighting speed, a man with beaming brown, curly brown hair and a dorky smile appeared. He was dressed like he was the next Jane Austen Side Character’s Love Interest. “Where is she?”  
“No not like that,” Fanny spat. “I mean this person can see and hear us as Alison can.”  
The man took a long glance at you and bowed down and offered you his hand, “Sorry about that, my name is Thomas Thorne, Happy to bid your service.”  
Thomas had such nice manners.  
“Careful,” Alison whispers into your ear. ‘Thomas will not leave you alone, he even watches me sleep.”  
A stalker, a love interest, that’s my favorite troupe! You think.  
“New Friend, New Friend!” A happy woman with dark hair held up in the most extravagant style and a giant purple dress piped in. “I’m Kitty,” The gleeful ball of energy sang “And I want to be your best friend.” Kitty runs up to you and gives you a tight hug. It feels nice having her purple bosom rub against your black sweatshirt. She keeps on hugging you. You feel happy. No one has ever cared for you this much in your entire life.  
A chippy man with dad glasses and mustache walked in, he was wearing a scout uniform and had an arrow through his neck. He better watch out for Katniss. “Hello,” the man said in a cheery voice. “Welcome to Button House, I’m Pat, if you need anything you can come to me.” Then he winked. Pat and Thomas giggled.  
“Who’s this witch,” A lady, who desperately needed a shower grumbled.  
“Mary, this is Havers, they had an accident and now can communicate with you,” Alison replied.  
Kitty put her arm around Mary.  
“Human, Human, Human!” yelled a gorilla-like man prancing into the room, with messed up hair and wearing a cloth.  
“Robin, this Havers,” Pat said pointing at you. Robin smirked at a headless man named Humphrey who was on the table next to you.  
“Oh, who is this fit person?” A tall man with sleek golden hair combed back, wearing a white shirt, red tie, and a blue blazer, but the most striking feature about this man was that he had no pants on, thus exposing his milky thighs. “I’m Julian Fawcett MP,” He smirked at you with a click. “Why don’t we go about this house with everyone,” he suggested as he winked to everyone in the room. You liked the sound of that, Julian seemed like a fun guy and he looks fit in his whole get-up, Wow WEE. Julian barked.  
“Yeah,” yelled Robin who was punching his fists together.  
“No,” cried out Fanny. Party Pooper  
“And last we are missing…”  
“Good Lord,” a silver fox of a man wearing a military uniform and had a little gray mustache marched in while biting his lower lip. He glanced at all the male ghosts in a gay way. “Do we have someone who knows here?”  
“Um yes,” Alison remarked.  
“Hi, I’m Havers your great-grandchild you had with Lieutenant Havers back in the war.”  
The Captain stops, looks at you then stares at Robin’s cloth, Julian’s milky thighs, Pat’s shorts (that were ridden up his legs), and Thomas’s crotch that was far from straight.  
The Captain steps forward to you and boldly hugs you. “Welcome child,” he speaks calmly. This was nice, he was like the father you never had. You had daddy issues growing up that you don’t want to talk about.  
Later that evening you find Robin and Humphrey watching TV.  
“What are you watching?” you ask leaning on the couch.  
“Cars,” Robin replied with an excited look on his face, like he was a puppy dog, but not the type of dog Julain is though.  
“It’s very good,” Humphrey explained. “If I still had my body I would sleep in a Lightning McQueen bed.”  
“Ka-chow,” replied Robin as you sit next to them on the couch. Robin puts his muddy arm around your shoulder, you don’t mind as he takes his iPhone out. “SELFIE!” He yells.  
You grab Humphrey’s head and pose with the ghosts with somewhat, similar-looking faces, they could easily be distantly related to your favorite newscaster Bob Hale.  
You make some popcorn and watch the entire cinematic masterpiece of the Cars trilogy and the buttery popcorn melts in your mouth. 

The next day, it’s morning and you find yourself waking up on that couch with Humphrey’s head wrapped in your arms like a teddy bear and Robin cuddling you, the smell of dead animals does not bother you.  
“Ok gang,” Pat calls out from the other room. “Today is game day and it’s time once again for our favorite,” Pat takes a quick sneaky glance around the room and bites his lower lip. “It's time to play Twister.”  
“Yes,” You call out. “I love getting tangled up between other people!”  
“Oh Good Lord,” the Captain grunts from the other room. “Thorne get my keys I have some homophones I have to run over with my car.”  
“I think I can find them but it might be hard because they may have gotten lost when Fanny committed arson last week.” Thomas sighed.  
“I’m not afraid to do it again!” Fanny protested.  
Nothing is sexier than arson.  
“Why do you need your keys?” Thomas asked about learning against a firm wall post.  
“Because he’s back,” The Captain dawned in a shadowy voice. “James Cordon is back.”  
“Woof,” barked Julian. 

Next time:  
“I don’t want to fight you James, but I will,” The Captain commanded.  
“Oh, really not even if I have him,” James Cordon purred in a sing-song voice as he rolled down his car window to reveal a pale flamboyant man with sheep-like hair and dark clothes.  
“Kendall?!” Captain gasped.  
“Oh James and I have been playing carpool karaoke for the past 3 months,” Kendall sang in his sexy accent. “Tee Hee Hee.”  
“Okay James Corden,” You crossed the line, Fanny got the arson” The Captain yelled, preparing for a fight.  
“My Captain No!,” the Lieutenant grasped, reaching out for the love of his life while still with his arm around you. “What about Twister! We finally got the plague ghost to play now we can find out more on who’s top vs bottom!”  
James Cordon walked slowly over to us, looked Havers right in Havers’s gentle orbs filled with melancholy and fear, and snapped his fingers whilst saying. “Oh no darling it’s too late.”


	2. James Cordon's Revenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for James Cordon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> // Hey people reading this, I made a group chat for fans of Ghosts, Yonderland, Bill, Horrible Histories or just the Six Idiots and if you want to join go ahead (I would love it, I love this fandom) link is here: https://groupme.com/join_group/65264178/bBOC2Fmf

It was time, truly time for Twister, James Codorn can wait, Twister can not.  
Alison got the spinner out and had Fanny be the caller, which is good, you cannot imagine Fanny playing Twister.  
Thomas was already laying on the mat, he loves Twister.  
“Left hand red” Fanny called out.  
All the ghosts put their left on the Twister Mat, covering Thomas’ clammy hand.  
Within 3 minutes everyone was covering the Twister Mat and touching Thomas in uncomfortable places, but Thomas didn’t mind, he enjoyed being touched by Julian, Pat and the Captain all at the same time.  
But then you remember James Cordon is still there and you and the Captain run outside.  
Then as you run outside to follow the strapping army guy you see an angelic figure appear.  
You and the Captain gasp at the whom that magically appeared, but his beloved Havers, your other great grandfather.  
“Havers,” Gasped the speechless Captain, “What in havens name are you doing here?”  
“My dear,” Havers susurrate placing his cool hands on The Captain’s cheek “I’m a time lord and here to help you stop Cordon.”  
James Cordon got out of his flashy car and hopped out in his cat costume like a CGI furry.  
You could smell the trouble a brewing outside of this secluded mansion.  
“What ever you do, just don’t” the Captain demanded holding you and Havers back. “This is my issues and I don’t want to see you two getting hurt or in any more damage.”  
The Capatain kept a steady pace as he marched over his bedazzled foe.  
In a straight face (which is very hard if you are gay) the Captain questioned, “What do you want James?”  
“To be in every movie musical,” Cordon replied as he started to monolouge like an evil villian. “I know I missed the golden era but with In To The Woods, Cats and the Prom under my belt and all those Tony Award cermoneis soon I can take over the entire Movie Musical industry. I was thinking about doing Six and I was going to play Henry Viii unless you want to play that role.”  
You are in shoke, movie musicals are your favorite and you don’t want to see the industry cumbble like this. Your favrotie movie musicals are Mamma Mia, Xanadu and Zombies 2.  
“James I will not partake in your movie musical empire, this war will never end.” Stroke up the Captain.  
“Are you sure because I already got John Mulaney in Cinderella.” James spoke with a grin.  
NOOO Not John Mulamey you thought. Mulaney is your favorite Asian American woman and he had a relationship with the Captain and Havers back in the war.  
The Captain knew this was the last straw.  
“I don’t want to fight you James, but I will,” The Captain commanded.  
“Oh, really not even if I have him,” James Cordon purred in a sing-song voice as he rolled down his car window to reveal a pale flamboyant man with sheep-like hair and dark clothes.  
“Kendall?!” Captain gasped.  
“Oh James and I have been playing carpool karaoke for the past 3 months,” Kendall sang in his sexy accent. “Tee Hee Hee.”  
“Okay James Corden,” You crossed the line, Fanny got the arson” The Captain yelled, preparing for a fight.  
“My Captain No!,” the Lieutenant grasped, reaching out for the love of his life while still with his arm around you. “What about Twister! We finally got the plague ghost to play now we can find out more on who’s top vs bottom!”  
James Cordon walked slowly over to us, looked Havers right in Havers’s gentle orbs filled with melancholy and fear, and snapped his fingers whilst saying. “Oh no darling it’s too late.”  
Inside Button house, the other ghostly spirits looked upon form the window.  
“I do wish we could help him,” Kitty cried out and hugging whomever was the closest to her, that was Fanny.  
“But what can we helpless ghosts do against that power person,” Pat pleaded. “WE need to save your friend with the strikingly good body features.”  
“Look upon there,” Thomas yelled poining to a burst of light coming from the edge off the garden. 

You and Havers turn your heads.  
“At last my back up pals are here,” Havers gleefully cheered.  
There you see the Superwholock team. Dean and Castiel back from super hell, the 11th doctor and Sherlock and Wastson all here to save the day. Your 2012 Tumblr dashboard has exploded. 

“It over Cordon,” everyone roars.

Next time:  
“You know Fanny is just a name my George gave me,” Fanny whispred. “He gave me that name becuase he liked my…”  
“Tis splendid,” Kitty replied with a smile bigger than her heart. “You know people call my Kitty, but they originally wanted me to be Pussy,”  
You are shooketh. They need Mary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading I don't know if I want to make a part three or not.  
> Also feel free to join the chat  
> https://groupme.com/join_group/65264178/bBOC2Fmf

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and if I get10 Kudos I will write a chapter 2, "James Cordon's Revenge"


End file.
